Pages From the DNC Handbook (Humor)

Pages taken from the DNC Handbook (Humor)

By Jim Gammon

Our grand strategy for dealing with Republicans:

 Accuse them of:

  1. Being stupid, ignorant and/or crude
  2. Wanting the rich to get a tax break on the backs of the poor
  3. Spoiling Christmas
  4. Celebrating Christmas
  5. Trying to take over the government
  6. Being selfish
  7. Being greedy
  8. Being un-American
  9. Being unRepublician
  10. Being unConservative
  11. Being racist
  12. Being childish
  13. Refusing to accept having things even totally their way
  14. Hating the environment
  15. Being mean and insensitive
  16. Loving waste
  17. Hating fairness
  18. Being ignorant and closed minded, behind the times and against progress
  19. Ignoring the best interests of  “the children” (the NEA)
  20. Being the same as terrorists
  21. Hating the poor, sick and handicapped
  22. Wanting the world to come to an end in a polluted mess
  23. Being dishonest
  24. Ignoring the wishes of the voters
  25. Being sexist (even the women)
  26. Hating the working man
  27. Hating the middle and lower class
  28. Being pawns of the military industrial complex
  29. Loving war and violence
  30. Being against equality for anyone

 In addition, encourage our useful idiots to accuse Republicans of being:

  1. Nazis
  2. Religious extremists
  3. Supporting violence
  4. Being White Supremacists, even black Republicans
  5. Wanting to reduce freedoms

Of course the primary weapon is to say that they are stupid  – especially the women. We cannot allow any Republican women to gain traction. They have to be stupid to be Republican women, as Republicans hate women. If you cannot find a flaw, make them up, or make their qualities look like flaws. For example: “She can’t be a good president because she’s too good a mother.”

On the other hand, all Democrats must all be referred to as highly intelligent, attractive and knowledgeable. Hey, if we succeeded with Joe Biden, we can make anyone look good.

It is important to not accuse them of lying. We must be careful NEVER to do this, as they will point out all the times we lie, and that is a no-win game for us. Accusing them of being dishonest or ignoring the truth is fine, but accusing them of lying is to be avoided. Lets face it, we’re more vulernerable than they are.

Never accuse them of being corrupt, for much the same reasons

Never answer a direct question about Republicans. Answer a different question. No matter how pointed the question is, answer a question in which the answer is how horrible the Republicans are.

Always equate children with education. Any criticism of education, teachers or waste in education is simply meant to deprive children of their right to a good education.

Make sure to take any faults the DNC has and accuse the RNC of them. Not only does this make them defend themselves, but it legitimizes our faults, as “everyone is doing that”, such as vacations and gifts paid for by lobbyists, etc.

Never give any actual, specific facts. Never defend yourself, always attack. Never admit to being wrong, except to accuse the Republicans of misleading you. In such an event, imply that a conspiracy is responsible (adding “vast right wing” is not necessary).

Of course, continue to criticize them for not being perfect. Hold them up to their own standards. Any standard any Republican comes up with is fine to hold all Republicans to. Even simply implying that they are not obeying a standard is good.

We must also remember to change the rules of political correctness (which we own after all) to catch them off balance.

Remember, if you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck. If you fine yourself losing a debate, purposefully misunderstand your opponent and accuse him or her of something terrible – racism is always a good standby. There is always a way to twist the facts to make anything look like it will be bad for blacks.

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